College on your OWN terms

I am BACK!

It has been awhile and a couple of almost meltdowns for me, but spring semester is over and I am back! I learned some amazingly valuable life lessons this semester and I would LOVE to share them with you. Let us start with the first and I think most important lesson I learned.

Go to college on your OWN terms. 

Not everyone will agree with this idea, we have this cookie cutter outline of our life imprinted upon us from an early on age. However I refuse to give up 5 or more great years of my life to a be a slave to this college timeline. I didn't always believe the way I do now, it took a near meltdown over the last year to come to the realization. Some of you may know, some may not, but I struggle with major depression, anxiety, and a slew of other fun disorders. So when I say I pushed myself to a near meltdown just understand that it got really really bad.

Finally I reached out for help, in reality I was forced into finding help by my husband. After discussion with my team of doctors, friends, and husband I realized full time college student was not for me. Actually I realized that pushing to be this full time college student would eventually kill me. So I dropped down to part time and worked on digging myself out of the hole that I had created in my depressed state. The grades are not posted yet but I know I was able to pass two of my three classes, the third is up in the air. Something I never thought I would say is that I am thankful to have passed a course.

The semester was filled with guilt. Guilt that I did not spend enough time with my kids because school had me consumed. Guilt because I wanted to join my children's PTO or be a better girl scout troop leader. Guilt because I had other dreams and goals in life that were being pushed by the wayside because I had no time for anything else. Guilt because I was perpetually let to events. Guilt because I wished I was a better wife. Guilt because I wish I had a cleaner house. Guilt for spending time doing anything other than school. Finally I was sick of feeling GUILTY.

Some believe we only get one life to live and I don't know how true that is, but I do know that if this is my ONE life. I want to LIVE it! So I decided to take back my life and live. I do not go to college for some piece of paper that tells me I excelled at something. I go because I am a curious person who wants to know a little about everything. There is no need for me to struggle to complete it on their timeline.

I am taking my life back and going to college on my own terms. 

What does that mean for me? It means a part time college student who may also work outside of college. Who does PTO and goes to the gym. Who is a co-leader of her daughters girl scout troop and excels at it. Who has time to pick up around the house. Who has more kids because she wants to add to her family. Who has parties and sees friends. College is not the end all be all for me. It will no longer consume my life and I suggest that you do the same. Find out what works for YOU. If it is their timeline then great, do that, but if you need to alter it then do it. Don't try to force yourself into a box you just do not fit in.